Sunday, July 02, 2006

Battle Royale!

The Legion of Super Pets


(Proty 2 not appearing in this episode)

vs

The Legion of Substitute Heroes!


Now, one thing I love is the old introductions to comic books. It's something I miss every time I open up a modern comic story. Seriously, no matter how silly the old intros were they were certaintly eye-catching. Take, for example, the intro to our story today:


If that doesn't make you want to know what happens I don't know what will. I mean the fact that Supergirl is ordering the super pets to "knock 'em for a loop" is intriguing enough. Perhaps the Subs are so far beneath her notice that she feels the need to humiliate them (taking a page out of Aquaman's book) by sending a flying monkey, cat, dog and horse - all wearing capes nonetheless - to beat the poor kids senseless. Then let's take in the rest of the picture. We have an astonished Night Girl, a cowering Polar Boy (this is already bad if the team leaders are stunned) and C-kids 1 and 2 are standing on the sides watching in awe as Stone Boy uses his power only to be knocked over by Krypto and Fire Lad makes to run in fear from Streaky's claws of steel! Now that's what I call a eye-catching senario!

Now as the intro clearly establishs S-girl and boy have had their memories of the future erased and have been replaced by some masked characters (Sir Prize and Miss Terious) due to a kryptonite cloud surrounding 30th century Earth. So we know that Supergirl doesn't recognize the Subs as allies from the future. But what could possibly cause her to sic the pet squad on the poor bastards? Lets take a closer look and perhaps we'll discover why S-girl felt so provoked by our hapless heroes...

Well so far everything looks okay... except Cosmic Boy obviously forgot to mention that whole mind erasing thing... (Saturn Girl: Cos, why didn't you tell the Subs about Kara's memories of the Legion being erased? Cosmic Boy: *smacks himself on the forehead* Damn, I knew I forgot something! Oh well, what's the worse that can happen?)

Wow! Where did that come from? Now lets review, we've got some nighttime super strength on our side, a guy who can grow plants, ice powers, fire-sneezes, statue, I mean stone, boy, and a kid who can change things colors. What can they possibly do against the all powerful super pets you may ask? Well, let's find out!

Luckily for the Subs the Superpets are easily fooled. As you can see Green Boy (another Legion rejectee) would have been just as useful as Color Kid here. Yet, somehow, against all odds, Color Kid has managed to eliminate TWO of the Super pets right off the bat with minimal effort. And here my bets were on Polar Boy throwing the first "punch".

Alas, my favorite Super pet taken out by his drug addiction. See, Denny O'Neil thought that Roy's drug problems would help people to see that you should stay away from drugs but I think Streaky's problem illustrates the issue just as well. I mean look at him! In a matter of seconds he goes from a super-powered whirlwind of claws and teeth to a froliking kitten thinking nothing more than "yippee!". And C-kid must be some sort of kitty drug dealer on the side to be carrying aroung catnip seeds... because really, what use would catnip seeds be againt anything except a poor drug addicted cat? Three down and only Comet left. And despite this mind blowing defeat Supergirl is on the sidelines laughing at the subs... I begining to wonder what kind of superhero she really is... maybe Aquaman really is a bad influence!

Now, with only Comet left standing, it must be down to Polar Boy doing something, right? I mean out of all of them he has the most useful powers (not to mention he's the leader of the team...).

Sadly, this is not the case... after barreling through the other Subs with incredible ease Super horse is only stopped by Night Girl's impromptu shield... also getting the imprint of the "enchanted horseshoe" mentioned earlier. Against all odds (and logic) our heroes have won the day, er, night. Now, back to the future!

What, you may ask, happens to restore SG and SB to the Legion of Superheroes? Is it Brainiac 5 with his superior intellect? Element Lad showing up at the Legion's doorstep? No my friends, even better. It's *drum roll* Color Kid!!!

Which really makes no sense at all.

I love the old Legion stories. I think this even tops Composite Superman! I really hope that DC puts out a Legion of Superheroes Showcase... I mean really, who cares about old Superman stories when you can have old LoSH stories instead?

7 Comments:

Blogger Ragnell said...

You've gone mad.

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Ah the goofiness of the Silver Age! I love it!!!! Wish there were a few comics around today with these sensibilities. The Legion is one part of comicdom I could never get into. Looks like it's one of your favorites. Personally, I was hoping that the Superpets would put a whomping on the Subs. Ah well. It's all good. Keep the silliness coming!

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Anonymous Jim said...

Missed posting yesterday, but this is a great one. They have the Legion Archives, tweleve volumes so far and it is all great fun. The Superman visits the Adult Legion is another great classic.

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Blogger Brainiac6 said...

Rgnell - I think I went mad quite a bit before this post :)

Jeff - How can you not like the Legion?? Have you read the Mark Waid rubn at all?

Jim - The Legion archives would cost more money than I have to spend =/ So I'm still hoping for a Showcase or two.

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Anonymous Jeff said...

I have read the first 4 issues of the Waid run. Waid is one of my favorite writers, but these characters just don't seem any good to me. Never liked the names of Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Karate Kid or any of that either. Could be good, but I pass on it. Still, it's nice to see the panels of the old, fun stories. Thanks for posting them!

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Blogger Brainiac6 said...

I dunno Jeff, I was pretty happy Waid went back to the older names - it adds a sense of absurdity to the comics. Maybe you should pick up the first graphic novel and give it more of a chance. But I admit I'm a Legion geek.

Monday, July 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been buying a lot of Superboy and Supergirl issues from the 70's lately almost soley for the Legion reprints that are the back-ups in each issue. If you like this insanity I just read a great one the other day where a new hero/villan name Satan-Girl tries to kill all the girl Legionaires so she can join and replace them.

So you want to join the Legion of Superheroes and you choose the name Satan-Girl. Alrighty then.

Yail Bloor

Tuesday, July 04, 2006  

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